>I Don’t Know


“I don’t know.”
 A non answer weakly dispersed from his mouth after minutes of pursed lipped wonder. 
One of many simple questions laid to rest under his crossed arms.
Ten white knuckles throbbing, two fists hang by his hips.
I thought to myself, “I don’t know either.”
I don’t know why he came under the crossed arms of his parents.
I don’t know why they put a hole in the wall with his head.
I don’t know why sex was so polluted for him.
I don’t know why they let him fend for himself.
and I don’t know why our arms are thrown up and leaving him to fend for himself.
I don’t know why he can’t ask or consider help.
I don’t know why the base instincts are intact and the self control unweaves all the time.
I don’t know why neuron highways are littered with trash and bridges are out and dyslexic signs confuse and diffuse any semblance of order.
I just don’t know.  Though I welcome mystery often, this mystery I would rather not know.  I would rather answer the question positively…”I know.”
Is there a way to reach in and put things back in order for him?
Is there time to protect what seems to be inevitable?
Can I put on a big red S and blue tights and white out some of the history?
Can I say underlined “Only nothing is impossible” like Clark Kent said.
So now he enters the ark alone.  No family.  No friends.  No thing.
He just called and wanted to come home. 
Only fourteen hours ago he spewed disrespect and denounced this family…
And now he wants to come home.
What kind of a home is he looking for?
A home that succumbs to his narcissism?
A family that plays into his manipulation?
A place which honors lies? 
How far does love go with a broken soul?
Love is patient but…
Love is kind but…
Love never fails…but…
I don’t know.

16 thoughts on “>I Don’t Know

  1. >One of the most starkly evident characteristics of any emotional platform is the history and effectiveness of redefinition. I hope that here, something good will come of not knowing.enjoyed your pensive stabs into emotion Jerry – Daniel.

  2. >Uncertainty, laced with pain…how does one walk away from love? And yes, how far does love go with a broken soul? Once rejected, can it be returned to? They say that man's ability to love is infinite, but the worry of further rejection…or what may come again…agonizing.Sad, thoughtful, but still with elements of the playful there: "Can I put on a big red S and blue tights and white out some of the history?" Would that the world were so simple. But alas, in reality, there are no superheroes, just men and women, struggling at their best to make it…

  3. >having lived through teen years this describes it well- all right in those three words…"I don't know" but love and talking, and love and talking and love…somehow..pull us through…but then "I don't know"…thank you Jerry…bkm

  4. >Jerry,The depth of what you see always gets me. If only. We need more guys like you. The ones that take the hard risks. The ones that open arms and welcome that prodigal home.

  5. >This was about one of my adopted children whose history is unimaginable…very complicated kid.My wife and I are not without hope…he is doing better for now.

  6. >You captured the complexity of trying to understand the inner workings of someone who can't begin to have the distance and equilibrium to understand himself…and the difficulty of knowing when love and acceptance are the right response and when they are only aspects of a mind game. Excellent writing, and I hope consistency and compassion are enough in coming to terms with what the boy himself doesn't know.

  7. >you know what i like most in this poem? that you don't know – that you have no instant answers and one-fits-all solutions. i like that you explain, that you think with an open mouth, that you allow the pain to be there and that the doors of your heart are still open.

  8. >This is so deep, Jerry, and so complex and so compelling…and not knowing…admitting that is, in and of itself, real knowledge. He is lucky to have someone like you in his life, whether or not he wants to admit or acknowledge that fact.

  9. >it is so scary to become a grown-up.i mean…hey, i'm still working on that one.just look at adults from a kid's point of view…i would thinkthat even the best adults look pretty weird.the thing about old age and wisdom is the fact that werealize that we don't know more than we do know.

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