Dear Father God,
You know my hesitation of addressing You as father. I know You are neither male nor female, yet I believe You hold the full representation of both genders. Jesus called You father, and I suppose that should be sufficient enough for me to do the same. You are the ‘Our Father’ of the template prayer given to the disciples. Our culture seems to want You more and more as ‘Our Mother, who art in heaven’ or at the least as simply a genderless Divine.
You know my story of feeling abandoned by my dad. Sometimes I miss him and the possibilities of what he could have been to me. I’m sure my siblings all have different variations and interpretations of my dad. Father God, You have helped me sort out much of the morass of what this son of that father has set into my emotional landscape. Yet, I still long for some peace of heart to be able to flip my projection of my dad on to You to try to make You into my father’s image. I am not hanging on my little ‘c’ cross crying out ‘my dad, my dad, why have you forsaken me?’ I know my dad’s story and like my mom always said, I think he ‘did the best he could with what he had.’
This morning I read from The Message: “…I’m on my way to the Father because the Father is the goal and purpose of my life.” Jesus
Lately, I desire that goal and purpose for my life…in that exact terminology. I am not there, and if anyone knows that, it would be You God…I mean Father God. You see what I mean?
From my heart,
Dear dear son,
Oh, how I know your story. I knew your dad’s story perfectly too. Both of you incurred the same wound. Your dad Donald felt abandoned by his dad. My Son felt abandoned too. The stories all interweave like a matrix, and each one beckons the human heart toward Me. Honestly, I desire to be the best version of your dad…the truth is I Am.
I also have a matriarchal side of equal standing. Remember when Jesus cried over Jerusalem, and how he wished he could gather the people under his wings like a hen gathering her chicks? I Am the perfect representation of both parents.
Every human under the sun experiences parental shortcomings. When you and Barbara wake in the middle of the night and dwell on your failings as a father or mother I hear the beats of your broken hearts.
This is all for now Jerry. Be encouraged. It’s a good thing to know where you came from. An examined life is worth living. Self-examination and as you let Me, God-examination. Remember Psalm 139? “…Search me oh God and know my heart…”
Your Heavenly Father,
P.S. I can still mother you too.